Angellica2017 Diary

Do you have what it takes to build a modern marriage? Here are two tips to help you succeed.

Love is not a victory march.

Let me say it again. Love is not a victory march. When you love someone, you walk the road together. It’s about truly wanting to do more for someone else. It’s about getting happiness from making that same someone happy. It’s knowing they are as happy for your successes as they are of their own. It’s about asking for help without shame. Love is giving that help without a second thought. It’s about giving the other person all the information, not expecting them to be psychic. Love isn’t a test of wills - it’s an exercise in faith. Faith that the other person will have your back, but faith they will let you know when you’re wrong and knowing how to tell you without crushing your spirit. It’s knowing when to step in and when to step back. Love’s like a dance where you both lead but still manage to look graceful.

It’s OK to break stereotypical gender roles

Sit down with your spouse and make a list of the ways you each break the stereotypical gender roles. Look at those likes, dislikes, activities and discover how that makes you and your spouse unique and special. Also make a list of the quintessentially stereotypical aspects of yourself. Talk about why you are that way? Does your husband like football because it’s something he did with his dad? Do you like shopping because it’s how you and your girlfriends unwind?

Don’t take this time to make fun of your husband because he likes Desperate Housewives and playing with kittens, take that time to truly see your husband as a HUMAN, not just your spouse; a man, a woman, a mother, a father. Look at your spouse like a true equal, outside of who makes more, who does more around the house, who tries harder. No one will win any medals doing that, but maybe if we understand what motivates our spouses, we can find ways to divvy up responsibility so everyone is happier.

The fight for gender equality, as important as it was, also created a wedge between men and women that can sometimes hurt a marriage. Sometimes we identify too closely to our gender, rather than who we are as humans so it becomes a game of who’s better or who’s right and we find ourselves saying things like “Men just don’t understand.” It goes back to the first tip. Love is not a solo game of win or lose, it’s a partner event.

I know there are people out there who don’t believe in gender stereotypes and that’s fine, maybe this exercise isn’t for you. I hate to admit they exist myself, but I believe they do. Just remember, your husband it’s just a husband, a father, a son, a worker, a lawn mower, a lifter of heavy things - he’s a human. Take some time to get to know him better.

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